Wow it's been a while since I've posted. I definitely have been going deeper in God's Word and enjoying life, period. Rock climbing and hiking were so much fun. It was nice to get a different kind of workout done. I wish I had brought my cable for my camera, otherwise I would be posting pictures. I'll have to do that later on facebook when I return, sorry.

I successfully got my clothes clean at the local laundry mat and enjoyed exploring town a bit more these past couple of days. The rain required that we have a really content heavy day today. I feel like I've been hit in the head with a sledgehammer. It's amazing how pride can invade your life without you even knowing it.

We discussed idols and how everyone is programmed to worship something, whether in an abstract sense of "worshipping" themselves, a specific hobby, family etc or other ways like actually bowing down to an idol from other religions. God created us so we yearn for something more in our life and it's so easy to turn to things that we can tangibly understand. Basically, an idol is anything that we value more than God. We were asked incredibly pointed questions like,

"What is your greatest nightmare?" or

"What would make you seriously consider turning against God?" or

"What things do you preoccupy yourself with the most?"

I know that I definitely idolize myself (as weird as that sounds). If I, you know little miss perfect ;) , got pregnant or got caught doing something shameful, I would die. I take so much pride in myself and my image that at times, I value other people's opinion of me even more than my walk with God. Or even things that I love like my vaulting, my family, or a desire to get married. None of these things are bad in it of themselves, but if you value them more than God in any way, they are idols. Isn't that scary to think about!?

We also analyzed our gifts, talents, and spiritual gifts. The worksheets were fun and it looks like I'm gifted with "mercy" and "exhortation." In other words I like empathizing with others and encouraging them. "Administration" was my next significant category that I scored well in. It was neat to combine all of those characteristics when thinking about possible career choices.

I think the hardest part of the day was in our small groups this evening. A bunch of us were thinking about hard questions and Amanda began talking about heaven. In our discussion, I was prompted to ask about the concept of "Once saved always saved."

This is a very troubling passage for me. It comes from Hebrews 10:

²⁶If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, ²⁷but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. ²⁸Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. ²⁹How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? ³⁰For we know him who said, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," and again, "The Lord will judge his people." ³¹It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

³⁵So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. ³⁶You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. ³⁷For in just a very little while,

"He who is coming will come and will not delay.

I would love to hear anyone's opinion on these verses, but we came to the conclusion that not all people who start out as Christians actually ed up in heaven. Hebrews 12:1 “Run with endurance the race that God has set before you” by comparing Christianity to a race implies that people drop out. Not everyone makes it! Those claiming to belief in Jesus Christ are abundant, but how many actually follow in obedience? Matthew 7:16 says you can tell what kind of person someone is by looking at what kind of fruit they bear in their life.

If people aren't producing fruit and passively living their life as a Christian by name only, they are not going to heaven. This is a truth that deeply saddens my heart. It doesn't matter if someone begins strong in their walk if they drop out and never finish the race. The race is hard and long and requires endurance. Someone who professes their faith, maybe has some terrible life events that leads to them turning their backs on God (not going to church, not devoting their lives to Christ anymore) and according to these passages, that's enough to change their eternal destination.

If these passages are true, then why are we not more passionate to reach those around us? Why don't we dare to initiate those scary conversations if the Spirit leads us in that direction? Why are we so content to living for ourselves rather than for the God who created life?

I've just had a lot on my mind lately and I've come to the conclusion that once you are saved, you are not always saved if you do not respond by acting in obedience and cross the finish line at the end of the road.